I've Watched the Watchmen.

Let me start by saying, in the past week I changed my tune and was syched beyond all get-out to see Watchmen. I was all set to hate it, but I said hey, let it go, don't be a jerk.

Sadly, I talked to Corey before posting this, so a good deal of my venom has been unleashed already.

I remarked this as I left the theater:
"If you're gonna adapt the bible, you might as well read it first."

Nicole liked it more than me, though. And she hates the comic. Let me state, she didn't love it, she just thought the ideas contained within it were intriguing and provoked interesting thought... LIKE THE BOOK THEY'RE TAKEN FROM.

So let me put this simply. Watchmen is a history lesson on the medium of comic books itself. Starting in the golden age, leading into the silver-age, and ending in the post-Taxi Driver New York of the 80's. It's a story about America and it's mythology. It's a story about what makes us human and our capacity to do good, and what does it take to be a hero and when does that line begin to blur? It's not our history because (as the Comedian says) in their world, the American dream "came true." If the masked vigilantes of our mythology did exist, what would our world be like? How would society change? And even though its details are different, it's still the same cesspool. There. There are your themes. Stick to that.

**Spoilers beyond**
And if this film is from a VISIONARY, he should be able to SHOW NOT TELL! Yes, the graphic novel is wordy. I will admit that all but maybe twelve panels in twelve issues do not have a word balloon or a narration box that has three sentences. And there are even three pages of prose at the end of every issue to boot (maybe they should have tacked something like that at the end as well. A novella for a proposal for Watchmen 2: Electric Boogaloo). But when you distill Alan Moore's overwriting down to its most simplistic, try not to end up with sequences that tell the audience what they have just seen. "ZOMG, LAURIE! TEH C0MED14N IZ UR F4VVER!!!1!"
The series is a textbook on "visionary" editing. If you want to know how to write a movie, or edit a film or understand how to build a world, Watchmen is it. There are entire sections that are parallel cut. Sequences that weave together in a quilt. Laurie figures out who her father is once she understands how to see the world from Dr. Manhattan's perspective (NOT BY BEING TOUCHED BY HIS MAAAA4AAGIC FINGERS!!!). Time and sound interweave to create the truth. It's brilliant and filmic. You can open up to any random page and find a sequence that lends itself quite simply to film and needs little changes (except getting the film to be under 12 hours of course) even Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons transitions lend themselves rather neatly to the chronal art. And I was rather shocked that some of the simpler fades/hard cuts were missing in favor of a cut to something completely unrelated.

And before everyone starts saying, "but Dylan! There's a director's cut! Maybe it's in that!" I hope it is. To be honest, I wanted to see the Fountain, and I wound up seeing Watchmen Episode I: The Phantom Topknot.

I was really frustrated by the trailers and was certain this film was going to be a pile of crap. But over the past few days I actually gave in while I was re-reading the graphic novel and said, "why not believe the hype? Maybe Zack Snyder gets it? Maybe he loves this book just as much as I do and he'll create something truly breathtaking. Maybe it will revolutionize the world of editing/cinematography and do for film, what Watchmen did for comics? Why not just believe the dream a little, eh? Everyone else is." I was especially excited to see the Moloch scenes because of the red neon light outside of his apartment and I was certain Zack Snyder would go hog wild with that punctuating lines in the Comedians speech a little better than Moore was able to given the constraints of his medium. Surprise, surprise, it was nowhere to be seen. I was completely baffled. It seems like it would be a cg-filter-whore's wet dream. But alas, nothing.
Instead, Dr. Manhattan GLOWS SO LOUD THAT EVERYTHING IS BLUE! Excellent compromise. So when he changes the saturation of his blue at the TV studio, it must be brilliantly saturated then, right? I mean if Zak Snyder's using up the film world's supply of full CTB filters on this film, he might as well go for broke. RIGHT!? Instead, he puts the saturation on his skin up maaaybe ten percent and then keeps the filters the same/gets rid of them when lights are hitting people near him during the taping. Oops. Now, it's possible that because he's pulling his molecules closer together to make him appear more saturated, perhaps he's not emitting as much light, but considering some of the other gaffs, I'm not goin' for it.
In all honesty, LARRY FONG SHOULD BE RUN OUT OF HOLLYWOOD WITH PITCHFORKS! His cinematography makes my stomach churn. He has no sense of light. And Zak Snyder missed the entire point of the cutaways that are littered throughout Watchmen. There's only one series of inter-cut shots using Drieberg's lenses. It's nice and probably one of my favorite shots in the film, but a far cry from what it could be. It's also in one of the worst acted scenes in the film too. Heck, they're all pretty poorly acted.

Also, going along with one of the reasons I love the book to begin with, Dan is a schlub. He's a Hellenistic superhero.

He's a man that is worn out. He is past his prime and he's overweight, but it's okay, because he fights crime with his gadgets anyway. Regardless of how out of shape he is, though, when he puts on that hood and they go out on patrol, you cheer in the book. He is Night Owl. And he gets the girl! "Oh no! We'd have to see Drew Carry naked!" Yes. That's the point. It's every comic book nerd's dream. Get the beautiful girl because she loves you for who you are. Apparently the world's still not ready for that simple little message.

This should have been as good as Blade Runner or the Fountain, and what I got was the biggest disappointment since I realized how bad Phantom Menace is.

Guess I had a lot more venom in me.

I could keep going on and on and on about all the things I love about Watchmen and how the film managed to leave out pretty much every single one of them, (except Veidt's line which is probably the greatest line in history) but I'll just let people comment.